Her own Reckoning
by FinneganHart
Summary: Post "Reckoning". Linden's POV as she ponders all the recent events...including the moment between Holder and her. My first fic for the great show that is The KILLING. Don't know if i've got Holder's voice down yet, but I hope to write more later. This fandom is in desperate need of some fanfic.


Disclosure. Do not own these awesome characters. They would be that of Veena Sud. This is my first attempt to add some fanfiction to the way too small collection of this awesome show. Love these characters, love the actors, love the writing. Have to say I really did not ship Holder and Linden before, but as time goes on I see they are kinda perfect for each other. When they are together they don't have anything to prove. They each accept one another where they are at, which is about all one can ask for. So here ya go...

Her Own Reckoning

Sarah Linden sat in her car mulling over the rings in front of her. The prison would be open soon for visits. She was still debating with herself whether she should use Adrian's ID of Mills to buy time for Seward. She knows in the past she wouldn't have given it a second thought. She would have done whatever it took to get the job done. With so many burnt bridges in her past she tends to think things over a bit more now. As she waits her thoughts catch up to her.

She lights another cigarette from her freshly bought pack. 'Damn it. Did Holder really just try and kiss me?' She knits her brow incredulously as though she just realized it even happened. In the moment, she hadn't really processed anything more than the fact that it was not a good time. He was obviously not in a good state and that was not the solution. So she had stopped him without really thinking of what was happening. Then felt horrible when she saw his embarrassment. Everything is so messed up.

She wondered how she kept finding herself back in these desperate situations. Why is the world so screwed up? Why had Holder not listened when she pleaded with him not to open the trunk. She could have at least saved him from that burden. She took a heavy drag off her cigarette and stared up at the gate where two large crows seemed to be having an argument.

She missed Jack. She had almost died, but couldn't bring herself to call him. What would she say? "Hey Jack. It's Mom. So, someone kidnapped me and almost shot me. How was your day?" She grimaced at the miserable reality. 'No, he is better with his less dysfunctional father...right?' She knew not to dwell on this question if she wanted to be able to function. 'Next topic.'

'Why did Adrian lie?' She couldn't make sense of it. Usually this was her strong point, she could see through the BS and get to the point. She played with the bag of rings, hoping that one of them might lead her to the break she needed...to the break Seward needed. She stared up at the prison's harsh walls. A flood of guilt threatened to strangle her. She shuddered and laid her head down on the steering wheel.

As she closed her eyes, she was back at Holder's apartment; his gazed fixed upon her. It was like he was pleading for the pain to go, for a shred of hope. She really wanted to give that to him, but he caught her off guard when he tried to kiss her. As she replayed the moment in her mind she wondered if there hadn't been something else there. Did he ever think about kissing her before? She couldn't deny that she had never thought about something like this happening between the two of them. He was one of the only friends she ever had. Even Skinner had betrayed her. But not Holder.

Her mind drifted through all the memories of him during the Larsen case. A pained look shot across her face as she remembered the times she had been an absolute pain in the ass to him. And then she almost smirked to think of the times he had been the same to her. Finally she settled on the memory of waking up in his apartment while he made Jack and her breakfast. This was the real Holder. Not his cocky street wise BS act, but the kind man...who always seems to want to feed her. She smirked at the thought. And damn if he didn't look good in a wife beater. Her face fell back to her usual distressed countenance.

A frustration grew in her as she sat, now finished with her cigarette and absentmindedly running her fingers across her lips. She did not have the luxury of time here. There was not enough time to be honest with herself. And there was certainly not time to start getting a school girl crush on her partner, no matter how many butterflies seem to be building inside her. She needed to solve this Seward thing...like yesterday. Maybe then she would consider the ridiculous thoughts running through her head. 'He has a girlfriend for crying out loud. Just pull it together.' she scolded herself. As the gates to the prison finally opened for visitors, one last vision of Holder crept into her mind. She spoke aloud as if he were there. "Well if I can't falsify evidence, these damn rings better mean something to Seward." She jolted out of her parking spot and entered the prison.


End file.
